Self Esteem: Getting Too Much of a Good Thing.

You would think that receiving positive support in the majority of your daily activities would be a good thing for your self esteem. Praise for challenges met and tasks accomplished most certainly play to our sense of reward. We feel a sense of belonging and contribution to our environment when being acknowledged through rewards. Rewards act as a way to define who we are in the world. But what happens when we start to receive rewards for the mundane and inconsequential elements of our lives?

Oddly enough, we become more doubtful of our own skills when overly praised or rewarded for accomplishments we never made (i.e. trophies for all of the members of a sport team, whether they played or not). This then places us under stress (both emotionally and physically) as our egos are being stoked while knowing that there is no connection between accomplishment and reward.

 

Self Esteem Movement

Beginning with the Self Esteem Movement of the 1970’s, we have focused on raising a generation which is addicted to a steady diet of praise. Since this history of praise was not always connected to accomplishments, many of these individuals lack the goal orientation that earlier generations possess. They just need the steady flow of reward to feel good about themselves but they do not need to accomplish anything for that praise. That’s what they have been raised to expect.

Incivility Kicks In

So if we have a group in which all of the members feel that they can do no wrong and that they should be the center of attention, the individuals eventually begin to compete with one another. This resulting incivility denies these individuals the further reward that they so crave.

Finding incivility in academic environments, as well as in the workplace, is not hard to do these days. When all we really need is just some courtesy in our lives, lately we’re mostly getting rude behavior.

Effects on Your Health

All of this bad behavior places your body in stress mode – the fight-or-flight reaction that has historically kept us alive in moments of physical danger, now creates physical problems. Increased blood pressure, can’t sleep, depression… you get the idea.

All of these body responses are completely normal – they are just occurring at an inappropriate time. What we want to do is change the circumstances so that they do not occur when you do not need them.

Finding Self Esteem Solutions

A key element in self esteem issues is that the individual has not been provided a structure to their environment where there were consequences. When the child is taught that all behavior is good, they grow up lacking the context of how they could do anything wrong. When this is allowed to more fully develop, a strong sense of entitlement and narcissism can result, thus setting the stage for the incivility mentioned before.

How people view themselves and the world is primarily learned behavior, so having individuals and groups talk out their perceptions and feelings can be very therapeutic. Treatment of individuals with an amplified sense of self esteem is centered primarily on psychotherapy. While groups can also benefit from talking things out and learning to appreciate the differences in others.

If we learn to accept our differences as just part of being human beings, we can also learn to relax around one another. Celebrate success, mourn loss, and keep open to the other guy’s take on things. We are all truly in this together.

“To declare myself as a genius immediately evidences that I am not.”
― Craig D. Lounsbrough