Living Up to Expectations: Reality Bites

Reality… what a concept.

(Thank you, Mr. Williams.)

COVID-19 has afforded us lots of opportunities to examine the reality of our world as seen through many eyes. We live in a diverse world and do not all see the same thing.

Participating in group-thought that promises comfort but far less frequently delivers it, has been a popular activity of late. As a scientist, I am comfortable with the diversity of Nature expressed in the variations of the physical human body (all of the wonderful sizes, shapes, colors, textures, etc.) In the same vein, everyone also lives in a different inner mental/emotional world. Applying fictional universal rules of uniformity in the midst of this diversity does not produce the standardization intended.

Reality doesn’t change just because you say so.

With a life history of encountering and overcoming personal adversity, just like everyone else, I expected that we would handle the world crisis more effectively than we have. We would step up, manage what we could, endure what we couldn’t change, and come out the other end changed.

The results have been dramatically different.

Expectations

In some ways, this post is a corollary to my “Life Lessons Learned from Cycling” writings but it is also talks about how we respond to recent Life realities in a more substantial way. More existential.

The dog tags image illustrates my relationship with real life. My actual tag is inscribed with my identifying information and an emergency contact in case I need assistance. I wear this whenever I venture outside for exercise. It reminds me of what I am really doing.

My expectations are to go for a workout where I focus on training, stress management, and compete with myself. The reality is that I may encounter mechanical failures, motivated canines, and more often, unstable personalities behind the wheel of 3,000-pound vehicles. Maybe nothing of the sort happens. I won’t know until I get there.

Whenever anyone asks about my wearing the ID tag, I joke that it is intended to make identifying the body easier for the authorities. Whistling past the graveyard, certainly but it is born of practicality. I learned a long time ago that consequences for my decisions made when exercising amongst vehicular traffic brings significant risk. Pretending that nothing can happen to me is a luxurious way of thinking I left behind years ago.

I like to keep my perceptions firmly grounded, if you please.

As they say, hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

Reality

Risk adversity is a scale upon which we measure our personal tolerance for taking chances. Whether it is investing monies on Wall Street or asking that attractive individual out on a date, we all have comfort zones that we prefer to maintain.

Sometimes the stakes are just higher and we get to decide whether we want to participate. Walk around the block vs. skydiving, it’s all up to you.

The pandemic is a perfect illustration of this risk assessment. We have seen leaders step up and take command of the uncertain situation. We have also seen far more leaders retreat from the risks at hand and engage non-essential concerns instead. Response does not change reality.

Not everyone has the ability to lead, even when they occupy positions of authority. As we have witnessed, titles don’t provide a leader with the skills to lead. The leader must provide those.

Hiding behind ideology or doing things loudly in the hopes that nobody will notice that leadership is clueless, as we have seen, does not work effectively. Conformity to dogma does not produce resilience, only compliant followers.

Just some candor and honest expression of leaders’ concerns could really help. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned in teaching is that it is okay to not know the answer. Just be stand-up and honest. People respect that. Make up an answer or try to distract from the question will fail.

Always.

Bunch of Bad Actors

I think that if anything this COVID era will become infamous for, it will be abuse of our fellow human beings. From the fear mongering used to both control people and soothe some truly frightened egos in leadership, this has not been our finest hour.

When public messages are used to promote our fears instead of address the sources of those fears, we have sadly lost the message that we so need. We are strong. We are capable. Comfort comes from knowing we are doing our best and making the best decisions based on available reliable information. Finding ways to attack one another is an immature response to a problem that demands maturity.

Which brings me back to dog tags.

Expecting others to make us feel safe ends up providing us with little comfort, especially when those same leaders are far more frightened of circumstances than we are. At the end of the day, it comes down to what you do for yourself. Help each other whenever possible, be grateful for the blessings you do receive, and feel good about how you choose to lead your own life.

Take That Moment

Pause.

Reflect.

Understand that the strength you seek, whether it is to withstand the effects of a COVID infection or cope with the adolescent peer pressure tactics that are so popular in society right now, the strength is within you to be true to your own self. Acknowledge the scary possibilities, make well-reasoned decisions, and carry on. Like wearing an ID whenever I risk my body out in the world. Admit that you are preparing for the worst but you are acting with a positive expectation.

Just be strong.

“Bran thought about it. ‘Can a man still be brave if he’s afraid?’
‘That is the only time a man can be brave,’ his father told him.”
― George R.R. Martin