Addiction starts off with a whimper and brings change with a bang. Even after my years of sobriety, I still marvel at the subversive nature of addiction. How it incrementally comes to control our lives that we hardly notice the changes until damage is done.
As a behavioral characteristic that is firmly rooted in our biology, addiction excels. We are hardwired for addictive behaviors from our ancestors, but that is only part of the picture.
Willing or Able?
Assumptions about addiction and the addicted vary according to the speaker. Those outside of the addict see the abilities and motivations in one light. The addict, on the other hand, sees things as an evolution.
Sobriety, like addiction, is a journey, rather than a destination.
Since we are talking about human motivations and actions, qualifications of something being good or bad do not apply. (Yep, biology still rules!) Decisions by an addict always have consequences but labeling them does not change things. One can spend all kinds of energy chasing down language, but in the end, none of that effort changes circumstances.
Sobriety is change. Large and loud change that takes personal courage to implement. This willingness varies greatly from one person to the next. There is not a fault in not being willing to change. It is just a choice.
Change How We Think About Addiction
Occam’s Razor is a useful old concept. To paraphrase, once the obviously incorrect is eliminated, the simplest solution to a problem is likely the correct one.
Identifying what makes a person willing to embrace change means they have worked through learned behaviors and attitudes to find motivation that is authentic to them.
It is not an easy process.
For some, it may be an innocuous comment or event that causes a pause in the addict to reevaluate their situation. One blackout too many perhaps or just a feeling that where you are is not where you want to be.
For others, it may be hitting a proverbial “bottom” in life, however that may manifest itself. It could be a life-threatening event or the death of someone near, but it represents to the person a truly (if you will pardon the use of a badly abused phrase of late) an existential crisis that fully captures their attention. A deep-seated knowledge that something has to change now.
Unfortunately for some, the event to change arrives in the form of their own death. Biology rules in addiction and one of the characteristics of living organisms is their ability to perish. Nature loves us but it is a tough love.
Whatever the motivation that works for the individual, they must want to change. All the best intentions and interventions from outside are worth nothing without this willingness.
Ignoring the Bad PR
Maybe it is an effect of the fear and restrictions of society’s pandemic response, but a whole bunch of folks seem hell bent on telling others what to do in life right now. (Maybe it is just the amplification that social media provides.) Interesting behaviors but not always helpful.
Catastrophizing addiction, while good marketing for treatment products and services, misses a large part of the addict experience. We cannot save those who do not wish to be helped. The only person we can reliably help is ourselves. We support others in their work with addiction – we just cannot do it for them.
The addict however, is not necessarily helpless. In fact, they are likely stronger than they think. That strength is discovered through their journey of sobriety.
We are always stronger than we think.
Part of the recovery picture is understanding the true resilience of our nature. Our bodies possess an innate ability to heal. Along with those physical abilities to restore Health, I believe, we possess abilities to heal our thinking. The power to heal the human spirit, if you will.
A Next Step
We are all on a journey, so there are infinite routes to choose. While I may disagree with a choice you make, I wholeheartedly support your decision to follow that choice. As for myself and those around me, I cannot say enough good about choosing to be sober.
The importance is in taking that next step.
“I once heard a sober alcoholic say that drinking never made him happy, but it made him feel like he was going to be happy in about fifteen minutes. That was exactly it, and I couldn’t understand why the happiness never came, couldn’t see the flaw in my thinking, couldn’t see that alcohol kept me trapped in a world of illusion, procrastination, paralysis. I lived always in the future, never in the present. Next time, next time! Next time I drank it would be different, next time it would make me feel good again. And all my efforts were doomed, because already drinking hadn’t made me feel good in years.”
-Heather King
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