Why We Need Grown Up Play

There is something therapeutic when we create play after we have grown up. The source of healing for some present day wounds may lie in our past

“Turn off that TV and get out of here. I don’t want to see you again until lunch.”

Mom had an economical way with words when I was a kid growing up in rural Wisconsin.

Of course, freedom was everything to a little boy. Mom, whether she knew it or not, gave me a wonderful gift everytime.

To explore my world was the currency of many summers. Jump on my bike, maybe pick up a friend along the way, and head off to the woods and water.

Conjuring the unknown was character building. To flip over a rock and investigate what lay squirming underneath, took courage. At seven or eight years old, swallowing your fear and stepping up to find what life offered, changed you.

Courage Learned Early

Beyond the nostalgic aspect of early life experiences, reflecting on these lessons sometimes provides insight into what I need today.

Case in point, we are all familiar with the anxiety inducing conversations in our feeds describing the events of late. Seemingly no matter how silly the argument, the more extreme stance taken is better.

Many arguments of silliness take me back to childhood conversations where siblings or other kids tried to convince me of some illogic (the sky is pink because purple butterflies really want to be race cars) through the speaker’s sheer force of will. Counter arguments quickly arose and the whole conversation rapidly died away as we pursued other distractions.

We knew gibberish when we heard it. Quickly called it out for what it was and that part of the game was soon concluded.

No adult needed to referee.

In today’s grown up version of trolling, the gibberish speakers have not been going away and the retaliation with further gibberish serves no purpose other than to encourage the troll.

These adults unfortunately need an adult to referee.

A Demand For Attention

I am still deciding whether today’s uncivil debates and behaviors are a result of the trauma wrought by the pandemic, or if so many people were always so emotionally stunted – they just hid it well.

The pandemic theory carries some weight because, as we all noted, there was little courage displayed by leaders, and no positive support, as we faced a frightening situation. It was not even indifference I had in childhood (go outside and be back by lunch). We were told inconsistent (oft times, frightening) information and to not question the authority of anyone.

We were intentionally scared for extended lengths of time. It is not too far of a stretch to see how an abusive environment like that would produce individuals ready to snarl and snap at each other over nothing.

The more cynical theory, that all we are seeing now is humanity without the filters of civilization, is more disturbing to me because it assumes a less generous expectation of people than what I learned growing up.

Pessimism is never a good fit for me. Perhaps it is my assumptions that need adjusting. Reality can bite sometimes.

Play Time for Grown Ups

Ever the healer, I continue to seek solutions to problems. Whether for myself or for others, the answer to a question may lie in the history.

If today’s incivility is reminiscent of childhood, perhaps the solutions we used back then can be adapted to the now.

Starting with the beginning of so many adventures of childhood, I seek out freedom through new adventures. Not coincidentally, my old and new adventures often start on a bicycle. The bike is just the vehicle. It is the sense of adventure and willingness to try things unseen that help bring my expectations and experience back down to the ground. To flip over that rock on a summer’s day and thrill to what lies underneath. Sometimes there is absolutely nothing to note, but that is okay. It was in exercising the courage to explore that I participated in my life.

Just turn off the TV (or social media feed), get outside and be back in time for lunch. Go find something to do that serves you better than what you have been doing.

Call out gibberish for being gibberish, then move on to something else interesting. Trolls are the truly frightened people. The rest of us just need to ignore the trolls, and  go out to play more often.

Race you to the stop sign!

“Go and play. Run around. Build something. Break something. Climb a tree. Get dirty. Get in some trouble. Have some fun.”
― Brom