The optimist in me looks for evidence of society’s return to our previous iteration of cooperation and civility. Getting along well in our daily lives used to be the rule instead of the exception.
I would like to blame COVID and all of the associated restrictions (and really bad behaviors) for bringing on this intolerance and disregard for others, but that is far too simplistic an answer. We are struggling too deeply for a superficial set of events to cause such dramatic change.
The reason and solution to the dilemma lies elsewhere.
On Your Left
Our response to COVID was in many respects, a lot of fun. Vehicular traffic volume shrank, thus giving us road warriors a much more pleasant outdoor exercise experience.
Even social interactions on the local bike path were softer. We made eye contact and while staying cognizant of distance (6 feet!), exchanged pleasantries and went about our workouts. We connected with one another as athletes and persons. Paradoxically, the pandemic measures to separate us, gave us connection.
Then we returned to “normal”, but nothing about the return was normal.
Life on the bike path and local roads became a series of exercises in really bad behavior. Ear buds and noise cancelling headphones became de riguer, so instead of gently moving past riders and walkers, special attention to their inattention was needed to keep things sensible.
The retreat to individual focus versus a community concern was disconcerting.
Where to?
While I have some pet theories of what brought about many of these incivilities (as with biological pathologies, I think there are multiple factors), we are still stuck with the problem behaviors at hand. What to do?
We see people’s attempts to “correct” others’ behaviors in social media. These solutions usually involve a lot of namecalling and sarcasm. They do not work.
What we do, and have always had, is control over ourselves.
So the guy on the path is behaving like an idiot and poses a threat to the safety of all of those around.
So what?
Give him the room he rates and let him go. None of us have anything of value invested in the situation, except maybe a little ego, and that can be checked when needed.
Being the Answer
A civility solution boils down to choosing to be the change. Model the behavior we once held up as appropriate.
If you have been on the Internet for any real length of time, you know the world is full of trolls. Individuals whose lack of emotional maturity is only matched by their low IQ. They thrive in environments in which their sole reason for living is to generate responses in others. (It gives them an erroneous sense of power.)
Recent accessibility to social media has amplified the effect that these individuals have on the rest of us.
The solution is to not feed the trolls. Starving them of the attention they want is the only effective response. Modeling desired behavior works.
Let’s make this a good New Year.
“To be of good quality, you have to excuse yourself from the presence of shallow and callow minded individuals.” ― Michael Bassey Johnson
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